| Last Sunday, I went to our
monthly area service meeting and watched people I love verbally attack
one another. It was shocking, but not surprising. I’ve seen
this kind of bad behavior in service committees throughout my recovery,
and I’ve always detested it. It’s the sort of thing that drives good
people out of service.
It seems to take very little
to provoke addicts into forgetting the traditions, forgetting their commitment
to unity and group conscience. Around here we used to say, “If you
think you don’t have any character defects, get into service.”
In service, just like in
recovery, we grow or we go. If we can’t grow up and deal with frustrations
maturely, we end up embittered and burnt out before we even get to the
rewards of service.
Whether we are serving a
group, an area, a committee, or a suffering addict, we need to practice
spiritual principles. The following are some that I think are important.
I’m sure that more principles could be added to this list, but it should
do for starters.
Cordiality is often mistaken
for elaborate politeness, but it’s really just a willingness to keep things
friendly, polite, gentle, and positive. It doesn’t mean that we should
go along with every suggestion or motion; it just means that we should
regard others as human, give them the benefit of the doubt, let them make
mistakes without snickering, and indeed lend them a helping hand rather
than abuse them for their inexperience.
Respect is an appreciation
of others’ worthiness, their importance in the sight of God, their intrinsic
value. If my respect for you is real, it is for what you are, not
who you are. I respect you as a unique individual and a beloved child
of God, not because you are or know somebody important.
If we have compassion for
the newcomer in the very arms of the disease, can’t we also have some for
the service junkie who has become overwhelmed by the heat of the moment?
Even an addict with many years clean and lots of service experience can
be suffering, and our compassion for that suffering ought to be no less
even if we find ourselves at odds with the person.
Consideration means that
we take others’ feelings, problems, and needs into account and refrain
from running roughshod over others’ lives or schedules.
Self-restraint is essential,
especially when we are discussing something about which we care passionately.
It’s a common error to assume we can’t control anything. It’s true
that we can’t control everything, but we can certainly control our tempers,
our egos, and our language.
Forbearance means letting
it pass. We don’t need to “even the score” when someone does something
that hurts us; doing so only brings us down to the other guy’s level.
Giving up your right to answer back an insult doesn’t reduce your esteem;
it enhances it.
Forgiveness is even more
honorable because it shows an understanding of the human frailty of others,
and the willingness to let our anger go in order to put love back into
our hearts.
Harmlessness is a determination
not to cause suffering to another human being. If we would not bring
misery on a dumb animal, why would we ever be less concerned about a fellow
human? If we practice this principle with grace and willingness,
then we will not return a blow or slight, because another person’s bad
behavior is no excuse for our own.
It’s important that our trusted
servants share a common vision. We often reduce this to our tradition
of carrying the message to the addict who still suffers. That could
more correctly be called our primary purpose, and it informs our common
vision. Many of us have dreamed of a worldwide fellowship, a place
that exists more in spirit than in space, a bond of friendship and fellowship
that could provide support for addicts to stay clean and become responsible,
loving, God-centered, and joyous people.
The surest sign of a spiritual
awakening is a generosity of spirit, the desire to share God’s love and
bounty with others. We may differ in our ideas about how to achieve
our common vision, but if we are generous of spirit we will not begrudge
others’ right to a different view.
As long as we respect others’
rights to have a different view of the same vision, we don’t endanger NA
unity. Too often, people confuse unity with uniformity.
Even when we disagree about
the means for achieving it, we all have the same goal in mind. When
we practice the principle of unity, we wish others well even when they
are following a different course. Just as there are many ways to
work the steps, so are there many ways to be of service. We seek
to share our individual gifts for the greater good, acknowledging that
NA needs the diversity of talent, understanding, and ideas of our members
in order to be effective.
Democracy is a spiritual
principle put into positive action. It calls on us to treat everyone
with equality and justice. When the votes go against us, we learn
to accept the will of the majority that might very well be expressing a
group conscience rather than trying to manipulate the outcome we want.
After all, it’s easy to practice principles when things are going our way.
It’s when things haven’t gone our way that we need most to practice the
principle of surrender.
In an impassioned moment,
we may believe that the very future of NA rides on one decision.
But when we regain our perspective, we see that God is in charge and continues
to be the guiding power for our message and our work.
It is important, while decisions
are yet to be made, that we carry the group conscience with the appropriate
advocacy. A good service representative ought to bring her group’s
or area’s motion with carefully prepared explanations and reasons and faithfully
represent the conscience of the group. It is very hard to advocate
for a motion with which one does not personally agree, but it must be done.
It’s a test of our surrender and trust in the process, but when we are
trusted with representing the views of others, we have to make a case ably
and convincingly regardless of our personal feelings. Of course,
nobody should have to present a motion or take an action that she believes
is morally wrong, but service motions rarely take on such ethical importance.
In the course of advocating
his group’s conscience, a trusted servant will sometimes discover that
he has reserves of courage that he never knew about. Rather than
backing down fearfully, he stands up with confidence, gentle firmness,
and appropriate assertiveness to support the conscience he carries.
Since there is nothing to lose by confidently advocating his group’s conscience,
but much to lose by failing to, a GSR may feel as if the group is behind
him in spirit, backing him up. These experiences can repeat themselves
outside of service. We find that where before we were timid, we now
have more inner power, determination, and confidence.
A trusted servant needs to
pay careful attention to the business under discussion. We are in
the life-saving business, and while it’s always appropriate to be cheerful
and keep a good sense of humor, it’s not right to be careless or flippant
with the business we’re entrusted to take care of.
NA business should be conducted
with alertness and thoughtfulness. A trusted servant should show
responsibility, perseverance, and commitment. If we say we’ll do
something or be somewhere, we should keep our word. If a meeting’s
business takes three hours, we need to stay to the end, no matter what
sports event is on TV. Complaining to other trusted servants about
how much we’re sacrificing and missing out on doesn’t help. They’re
making sacrifices also.
In fact, it’s quite appropriate
to show appreciation and gratitude to the trusted servants with whom we
work and the ones who serve our group. They’re not getting paid,
and they give so much. A warm hug or a kindly “thank you for being
of service” is the least we can do to show our appreciation.
One of the most sincere ways
to show our appreciation is to pay attention to the talents and skills
of trusted servants. Notice when someone does something well, and
compliment or thank her specifically for that thing. This can give
trusted servants the encouragement they need to keep on doing their jobs,
even when they get frustrated. NA service is filled with difficult
tasks where the personal rewards seem few.
Sociability is a necessary
part of working with other people. We’re people, not robots, and
we need to connect with each other at the human level. Simple friendliness
can make that so much easier.
It’s also important to try
to stretch ourselves to meet others on their level. Sensitivity to
the feelings and unique circumstances of others is a major part of our
social consciousness. This allows us to work with people of varying
backgrounds and interact with society as a whole.
Patience is more than a virtue
in service; it’s a survival tool. Some members are slow to understand
things we may grasp immediately. Some processes are very confusing
to new trusted servants. Some business takes a long time to sort
out. Some speakers ramble on or get long-winded. Rather than
losing our tempers, it’s a good idea to take a few deep breaths, remember
that we’re all in the same boat, and simply resolve to stay with the business
at hand even if it takes all day.
Tolerance can be a tough
principle to practice when dealing with harsh or unpleasant characters,
self-centered or scheming people who wouldn’t know a spiritual principle
if it fell on them. However, we wouldn’t need to practice tolerance
with a loving person, would we? It helps to remember that we’re all
human, and people who need our tolerance are probably suffering considerably.
Compassion for their unhappiness makes it easier to let go of our right
to take offense.
Maturity is knowing and accepting
limitations. Immature people expect everything and often make unreasonable
demands. A mature person doesn’t demand more of a situation or others
(or himself!) than can be reasonably expected.
It takes practicality to
schedule no more business into a morning meeting than can be dealt with.
Humility is an especially
important spiritual principle in service. Our individual desires
and egos are not as important as what’s good for NA as a whole and what
furthers our primary purpose.
While certain trusted servants
exhibit an unusual amount of wisdom and good judgment, all of us have access
to those principles. Wisdom sees quickly to the heart of the matter,
and judgment separates the important from the trivial.
Integrity is both a wholeness
of self and a sense of honor for one’s own values. Sincerity is an
open-hearted and above-board expression of truth. Balance is an intuitive
sense of how all the parts are needed in the correct measure to form a
healthy whole. It is also the willingness to live in harmony with
others. Reciprocity is an almost automatic balancing response of
the universe. We get back what we put out; we reap what we sow; what
goes around; comes around, and what we pulled on someone this time will
surely be pulled on us next time. The wise addict cuts no corners,
but rather reciprocates love, understanding, and cooperation.
There’s something liberating
about acknowledging our powerlessness. In service as in recovery,
we can only do what we can do, but together we can do more than we thought
possible. When we surrender to the will of a loving God, we become
empowered. The power we try to grab for ourselves is fleeting and
in time will wither; the power that God grants us to do His will is ours
by right and will endure.
Trusted servants cannot go
wrong if they consistently act on principle. If what we want to say
or do is not true, loving, and necessary, we should keep quiet. The
surest way of sticking to principles is working the steps and staying mindful
of the traditions.
It’s been said that the steps
keep us from committing suicide, and the traditions keep us from committing
homicide. Addicts with a robust program of recovery will serve appropriately,
constructively, honestly, and humbly. They will never attempt to
use their position or influence to exploit or crush other members.
Addicts who practice being
God-centered and who pursue a conscious contact with God will always be
conscious of the fact that they’re working for God. They will regard
selfless service as a great opportunity, the very crown of their recovery.
Such addicts become servants
we can trust. They act courageously and lovingly, honorably, and
compassionately, and manage to keep their serenity no matter what.
In service they discover a new freedom. In surrender they achieve
a great victory. When thanked for their faithful service, they reply,
“No, thank you for giving me the opportunity to enrich my life through
service.”
There’s a saying in NA that
I’ve always liked: If you don’t see an example, then be an example.
If there are no examples
of principle-based service in your area, be the first. Expect no
support or appreciation for it at first. Even if you are courageous
without being demanding, direct without being offensive, and honest without
being cruel, certain people will not appreciate your good example—usually
those who look the worst in comparison.
Even if acting on principle
at first earns you some enemies, remember that God will help you, and very
soon other addicts will also. Be true to principles—all of them—and
spirit will support you.
The path of addiction is
often described as the easier, softer way, but I don’t think that’s true.
It may look easier and softer, but in reality it always leads to cliffs,
rocks, and falling to one’s death. The real easier, softer way is
found in seeking knowledge of God’s will and the power to carry it out.
So long as we follow that way, we have nothing to fear.
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