Table
Of Contents
On
the spiritual path
From
the editor
Through
prayer and meditation
Recovery
without God
Terima
kasih banyak banyak Bahasa Melayu for “Thank you very, very
much”
Am
I a human being having a spiritual experience or a
spiritual
being having a
human
experience?
Seeking
understanding
Finding
the spirit in spirituality
Creative
action
A
brief history of
“God”
in Narcotics Anonymous
Toward
a more spiritual service
Editorial
reply
It’s
a matter of life and death Serious about service
Our
readers write
World
Unity Day Telephone Link |
It seems that I’ve been
searching all of my life for something to believe in. Finally, in
1982, after fifteen years of nonstop drug abuse, I crawled into the rooms
of Narcotics Anonymous. Though I was barely recognizable as a human
being, I found in those rooms the hope that had eluded me for so long.
Upon receiving my first hug
at my first NA meeting, I knew that I had come home. What I found
especially appealing were the choices I had been given—the choice to not
use, just for today, and the choice to have a Higher Power of my own understanding.
For the most part, not using just for today proved to be much easier than
finding a Higher Power.
Over the years in recovery,
I tried many different gods: Jesus, Buddha, Saraswati, Vishnu, and countless
others. But I found that trying to believe in an intangible and invisible
being or force left me empty and longing for more.
What worked for me in early
recovery, as well as today, is using the group as a power greater than
myself. Actually it is the unconditional love that I get from the
group and members of NA that I believe is a Higher Power—certainly greater
than anything of which I’m capable alone.
Does this mean that I pray
or meditate to the group? Of course not. Prayer is simply a
petition, and meditation merely reflecting—it does not have to be directed
to anything, anyone, or any deity in particular.
How can I possibly have any
purpose or meaning in my life without a god? I believe my purpose
in life is to develop into the best me that I can be.
Finally, with what do I maintain
a conscious contact, and from where do I seek comfort, if not a god?
Today I find comfort in knowing that I am living a healthy, good, clean
life and that I am not harming others or myself. I can maintain a
conscious contact by holding love close to my heart.
I seek to do the right thing
for the right reason. I attempt to move my life forward in a good,
orderly direction, and I do my best to incorporate the principles of our
steps, traditions, and concepts into each day. I stay close to the
program by going to meetings and sharing with my sponsor and sponsees.
Today I accept my humanity. I know I’m not perfect, just a perfect
human being.
My most significant spiritual
awakening was when I realized that the power is in me. I cannot rely
on a mythical being or force to do for me what I cannot do for myself,
nor do I wish to. After a lifetime spent trying to be everything
to everyone, I now know that it begins and ends with me. I have to
do the footwork, I must make the effort, and I need to seek the solutions.
As it states in It Works:
How and Why, today I have the ability to “live with dignity, love myself
and others, laugh, and find great joy and beauty in my surroundings.”
I believe that life is an adventure waiting for me to discover all of its
intricacies, not something to dread. I embrace the life that NA has
given me today, and in spite of all the pain, loss, grief, and fear that
I’ve experienced over the years, I relish every waking moment. I
love life today.
I recently read something
that, for me, says it all: “The meaning of life is to live a life
of meaning.” Today, with the help of NA, its principles, the friends
I’ve made, and the people I’ve met along the way, I’m capable of living
such a life.
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