| My name is Aziz, and I am
a member of the Bahasa Group in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia. Our group
has an average of twenty-five to thirty addicts attending each meeting.
The clean time ranges from one day to fifteen years. I entered recovery
in 1993, and I am very involved in service.
I lived on the street for
almost twenty years of my life, when I wasn’t in jail. I injected
drugs into the veins in my groin and was miserable and confused, but the
saddest thing was my father’s rejection.
When he realized that I was
addicted to drugs, he tried every way he could think of to help me, but
I wasn’t ready to get clean. Finally, when he couldn’t stand it anymore,
he rejected me outright. In our Malay culture, for a father to reject
his child is a big thing.
I went from bad to worse.
My father’s rejection gave me an excuse to use more and more.
Just before I came into recovery,
I went into a coma for sixteen days. On the seventeenth day I opened my
eyes, and the first thing I did was curse God for letting me live.
I guess I know now why God didn’t take my life: I am clean today.
The fellowship here is mainly
from an Islamic background. In Malaysia, if you are a Malay it means
that you are automatically Muslim, but our community also has Christians
(Chinese, Indian, and other nationalities), Buddhists (mainly Chinese),
and Hindus (mainly Indian people). We have NA members from each of
these religious backgrounds.
When I speak with newcomers,
I explain the difference between spirituality and
religion by saying, for
example, that Islam asks us to pray five times a day and has many dos and
don’ts. In NA there are no rules and regulations, just the good feeling
that I have inside when I attend NA and work the program.
If newcomers start to talk
about religion from the floor, I explain that the NA way is working on
the problem we all have—ourselves—not religion, family, or drugs.
We have had to deal with
many issues related to the differences between spirituality and religion
through the process of translating NA literature into our national language,
Bahasa Melayu.
Phrases like “conscious contact
with God“ cannot be translated with a Bahasa Melayu word, and if we translate
wrong it will cause real problems. The only Behasa Melayu word for
a “Power greater than ourselves” is the same as the word for God, and this
can cause difficulties, too.
NA is a spiritual program
where anybody’s religion, or lack of one, fits in. My religion goes
right along with my NA program. For example, after one month of Ramadan,
we celebrate Idd-ul-Fidre. This is a festival when we eat a lot,
visit our families and friends, and donate money so the poor can also eat.
In this festival, there are
many parallels to the program. We seek forgiveness for any wrongs
done to our families and friends, just like making amends in the Ninth
Step. For my celebration this year, I did an open house for the drop-in
center where I work instead of going back to my hometown.
I’ve gotten a lot of my spiritual
ideas from the program. They are centered on going to meetings, doing
service, taking my own inventory instead of other people’s, and trying
to practice the Twelfth Tradition in my life. I am learning about
letting go of things, coming to terms with the early death of my mother,
trying to understand life from other, people’s point of view, and making
amends for my own behavior.
I’ve learned a lot from my
sponsor, who has encouraged me to ask for help and pass on help to others,
just as I was helped in early recovery. Being a sponsor myself, helping
people anonymously, letting go of what others think of me, and living by
my own conscience bring their own rewards. I am able to give without
expecting anything back.
I practice spirituality when
I do service. I started off with translations, which is where I began
to learn about the program. I learned about the steps and traditions.
I was involved with translations for three years and worked with two other
members. We met every Monday night from 9:00 to 10:30 in my room;
then we went out for tea and talked about recovery. I was lucky because
these members had more clean time; they helped me a lot. One of them is
my sponsor today.
I have been the secretary
for the Bahasa Group and the translation committee chairperson. I’ve
attended H&I meetings and been the ASC chairperson.
In 1995, my sponsor suggested
that I start sending money to my father as part of my amends. I also
started writing letters to him. Then, in 1997, although I was really
fearful of further rejection, I finally got the courage to go home and
see him.
My sponsor told me to go
with an open mind. When my father saw me he cried, and now our relationship
is pretty cool thanks to the program. I now understand that if he
hadn’t rejected me, I might never have reached my bottom and gotten clean.
My life has really changed.
I feel good. I love myself. I have a lot of friends with whom
I feel really comfortable, even though we might come from different races
or religions. In NA we all belong.
Aziz, Malaysia
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