| For some time, I have pondered
writing an article for our magazine. The subject that keeps gnawing
at my thoughts is spirituality. Then I think about how spirituality
is such a touchy subject in NA, one that we seem to tiptoe around a lot
in meetings for fear we might offend someone or scare them away.
Enough tiptoeing! It
is not my purpose to tell you about my Higher Power and suggest that you
get one just like it. On the contrary, I want to share about the
“spirit” in spirituality that, I think, we can approach with our feet planted
firmly on the ground and face without discomfort.
Think about your spirit.
Really, take a moment. What comes to mind? Is your spirit responsible
and reasonable? Carefree? Cautious? Adventurous?
Calm? Fiery? Excitable? What is your favorite color?
Do you have one or several? Do you enjoy the kind of natural surroundings
you would find at an NA campout, or would you rather go to huge conventions
in high-rise hotels in big cities?
No, this is not a quiz to
determine what type of person you are, so relax. I just want to share
with others some things that work for me when I explore my spirit.
There are days when the only
thing I know about myself is that I’m an addict—but that’s just one part
of my spirit, and it has been a long time since I accepted that part of
myself.
There are many facets to
my spirit. I enjoy warm summer days.
I feel great when I accomplish
something—and then my spirit always finds more things that need to be done.
My spirit soars when my daughter
gives me a hug just for the heck of it or when my husband tells me he thinks
I’m beautiful.
I feel most spiritual after
a good NA meeting where at least one person cried. Raw emotion is
so real and very healthy.
I feel gratified when I share
the message with a newcomer. It’s so fulfilling to see an addict
clean and working a program.
My spirit gets a real kick
out of competition. A good verbal sparring match with someone of
opposing political views makes me giddy.
My home group is a part of
my spirit.
My family is a part of my
spirit.
I learn more about my spirit
all the time. For instance, I’m trying this writing gig now.
It’s something I think I might be good at. It’s something others
have said I do well. It’s something that HP has put in my heart to
do.
My fears of rejection, failure,
and imperfection kept me from taking a stab at it for a long time.
After all, if it doesn’t work out, I’ll no longer be able to claim self-righteously
that I would be a really great writer if only I had a really great word
processor and a secretary.
I stayed stuck in this diseased
thinking for so long that I eventually became miserable. For me,
the quickest way to become miserable is to fight against the spirit that
my HP has given me.
My HP provides me with the
resources I need to let my spirit play. I have a pen, paper, and
an old typewriter to process my words with. I have a Basic Text and
plenty of fellow addicts to walk me through the fear. And of course
I have my HP to whine to when I don’t get what I want. HP listens
to me and then gives me exactly what I need.
My spirit may not understand
your Higher Power, but my spirit completely understands your spirituality
and is grateful when you share it with me. Thanks to NA I discovered
my spirit, and more is revealed to me daily.
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